Things Clients Say #3

"Put our address and contact info and something that says how much it's valued at. Include disclaimer: *No cash value*"

Hmm... interesting. Value = $0?


"I need a black & white ad for a high-profile, affluent university. Their mascot is a spider and their colors are red & blue."
OK - black & white ad, colors: red & blue. With spiders. Sounds awesome... and totally impossible.


"I need an ad for [some random bridal] magazine. Classy, elegant yet modern font, all one font."
I know, how about I use Comic Sans. ALL Comic Sans. Since apparently I don't know how to use fonts properly. Oh, not classy enough? How about all Edwardian Script? That would look beautiful.

When asked for the dimensions (in pixels) of a web graphic to be created: "What is the current size of the image you provided, because we need it to be approximately 1/2 that size. We'd like it in more of a vertical position."
Riiight. That does not help.

"Take the dollar sign off and then we are good to go."

Really, you want it to say "6.99 Appetizers" instead of "$6.99 Appetizers"? So, hey customer! We have 6.99 appetizers here during happy hour. Come see them! Marvel at the 6.99 appetizers... that are not for sale.

In general, if someone works in a bar, you'd think they would know how to spell Corona (not Carona), margaritas (not margarittas), and know which beers are Light and which are Lite. I mean, seriously. Oh, and the grammar offenses.... "Complementary Appetizers" "Jose Cuervo Margarita's" "specialty martinis and Drinks" Ugh. My high school English teacher would have a heart attack. One day I will write a post about all the different ways of spelling "hors d'oeuvres."

And now for the MAC DADDY from this week....

"The font is too scripty. Is there a font maybe 1pt less cursive?" 
I don't even know how to respond to this.

I'm in a lovey kind of mood this week.

I've realized that my blog has been mostly angry and/or sarcastic. And although I am quite sarcastic, I'm not always angry. I swear. As you know, I love Ohio. I would also like you to meet a man I am madly in love with. (Sorry, husband.)

James Taylor, or "Sweet Baby James" if you are my mom, has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. I adore every song on every album he created. Something about his soulful voice and honest, folky lyrics makes me think "He must be the greatest man on the planet." (Except for you, of course, Paul Wilson!) James has been there for me through breakups and heartache, as well as times when I was the most happy I have ever been - like the day I got married. JT was played multiple times at our reception. And, I will admit that when I am nervous... say on an airplane about to take off (ugh, flying!), I like to listen to James until the pilot tells me to turn off my iPod... and then I put him back on immediately when iPods are allowed again.

I have been to two of James' concerts and I must say, not only is he an amazing singer/songwriter, but he is also quite funny. He just sat up there on his stool and told stories like he was talking to a group of old friends. LOVED it.

He was also pretty darn cute back in the day. See?

Minus the uni-brow of course. It was the 70s! Give him a break.

If I were ever a groupie, I would be a one of his. But groupies are weird and gross, so I will settle for having a huge crush on him from a distance. Forever. That's normal, right?

I love Ohio.

I used to feel that way about the OH. Stuck. Like as in... "I NEED to move to Charlotte because it's gotta be better than this!" So, I did. Oh, well, OK, my husband (then boyfriend) had a lot to do with that decision.

But ya know what? Great weather and a relatively short drive to the beach or mountains really doesn't replace family, friends, and well... home. Charlotte friends, I LOVE YOU! And I'm so glad we know each other! So, don't get me wrong. There was just something about being in Ohio this past week that felt good. OK, so maybe because it was in the 70's and not snow/ice/sleeting, but still. I love Ohio and all of its quirks.

For you Ohioans...some oldies, but goodies.

You know you're from Ohio when:

• You don't think of Florida first when someone mentions Miami. (Go Redhawks!!!)
• You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for candy ones. 
• "Toward the lake" means "north" and "toward the river" means "south." 
• You know what game they're playing when the Mud Hens take on the Clippers.
• You measure distance in minutes.
• You know if another Ohioian is from southern, central or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouth.
• You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
• You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine, and Tuscarawas and you know which letter is doubled in "Cincinnati." 
• You know (all too well) what "Lake Effect" means.
• You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.